After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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