You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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