The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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