I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
