As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
