Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
