my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
