I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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