i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
