I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
