Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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