so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
