Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
