Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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