My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
