my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
