I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
