so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
