Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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