Buhtt sex?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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