So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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