Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
