omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
