Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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