she looked like the before picture.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
