hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
