If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
