She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
