he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
