I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
