took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
