I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
