I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
