I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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