I faked an abortion last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The uberlube is also flammable
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
