We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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