His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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