wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this just has baby written all over it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
