Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
