i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
