I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
