im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
