I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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