I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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