fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
