brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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