I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I looked at my own cervix.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
