I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
