Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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