I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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