K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I understand Curling. That high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
