Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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