She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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