my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
