It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
