we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
